It has been a long while since I last updated my blog...
There is no excuse except to say that I'm not really very into this blogging habit.Today is different, I am just feeling lousy and feel like talking to the white screen before me once more (since there isn't anyoone to talk to at this hour).

At this day and time, I find myself at cross roads once again. Far too many times have I found myself at this point. This time it is about a friendship and a business that might "possibly" grant me a "dream" break through with a cost. I find myself faced with a dilemma on whether this line of work will be something that I would like to get involve into for life or just another means to an end. I have to say that at this moment, I am finding as a means to an end, but the worry is this means has a great deal of commitment involved. On the part of the friendship, I would say that I have been doing this to be accepted. I face a certain difficulty in turning close friends down, and the best part is I am easily influenced by them because of my openness. Only later do I find myself feeling uneasy inside if there is a lingering doubt.

Do I let go of this opportunity and move on or should I stick with it? There is a lingering thought that challenges my "being" or as my dad would term it my ego. If I turn this opportunity down, people would perceive that I am a quittter and I do not have a strong will to suffer through for my goals, or that I may be too pleasure centred that I am not willing to work hard for something. On the other hand, I do not give a crap of what they think. My accountability is not to them but rather toward God. Am I being emotional rather than logical? Well I was made unique... So what than am I measuring myself with? I need to be clear on that before I can move on from this dilemma.

Lord please tell me what to do at this point. I have been depending on myself too much and there are too many things that I have to juggle at this point in time. It is true that I have been exploring all my life and trying every other thing, but to give this business a chance seems to drain an extra lot more effort.

Tomorrow I will have to confront my fears and face up to my ring leader... God help me.

The human race, a seemingly superior being that possesses intelligence beyond anything we have encounter to date and with this intelligence we have gone far ahead creating civilizations. To keep that civilization in order we resort towards moral values. Interestingly enough, the more advance we become the less moral we become.

 

Recently, there has been much debate and discussion of the general safety of our environment. Just this morning, I read that a member of the Iraqi press threw his pair of shoes towards George W. Bush, the president of the United States. On our home ground, there have been many cases of robberies, snatch theft, and even rape. Indeed these crimes aren’t something new, but they are reaching our door step. It is now more dangerous then before, and we can even take a stroll in the area where we live without having to fear that a motorist will appear wielding a knife robbing us of every ringgit and cent we have.

 

When I think of these issues I find myself very much angered. How is it that these crooks are willing to do something so harmful and inhumane and still live with that stained consciences? Where is justice? Where is the hero that lurks in the night giving these crooks a taste of their own medicine? Even as I think along these trains of thoughts I am reminded of the character Anakin Skywalker in Star Wars. Although he was a prideful and over confident little brad who became the most capable Jedi, he turned from the light. Most of his intension where innocent desires (until the point his eyes turned orange) to help the people he cared for, but he was not given the opportunity to speak nor be heard. Similarly, people can be driven to do more harm and damage even though they are acting out to defend and protect what is good. In the end, whether we fight for the good of things or rescue people from harm (being a hero), we have to be careful not to lose it and get carried away till the point of passing out judgment, be it in out minds or spoken or acted upon.

It has been awhile since I have set in front of this white screen and poured out my thoughts.. Guess there has been too much to do that I haven't had time for myself. Well it has been about a year that I have been staying in Ps. Daniel's place. It has been an interesting journey. A journey mixed with joy, stress, ups, downs, plenty, lacking, uncertainty, comfort, fear, love and many more... This past year has been really an experience for me. Two thirds of the year I was working on part-time jobs, trying out new opportunities and exploring life from different aspects and getting involved in different fields. The final part of the year, I manange to land myself with a proper job.. Even that has been an experience that seems...sigh!

Now at the junction of life, I'm faced with decisions that might bring everything I have down or up. At this point everything is happening at the same time. It is not that I am making life dramatic but sometimes things just happen all at once. Finances has been a major obstacle and now with mom in my care (me and my brother), it is really going to be rather challenging. Moving out of Ps Daniel's place soon and I am about to change my job yet again, and my mom will be stepping into a nursing home once more... There is much to do and plan, but thank God for the friends that I have and the opportunities that I have. I have been on the receiving end of blessing for the past year. Although, I do not have a big car, house or account to count on, but I have people. I have relationships that I believe will last... It is as John says in 1 John 4:11-12, His love is brought into expression through us.

Amidst of all that I have been stress in, I can say that it is a blessing. I found a twist in my journey and I have discovered that making it through this stage is not going to be as hard as I had thought. Thank God! In summary, I found that I have and am still driven by dreams and hope. It is these two things that keep me going... A dream to make life more interesting and exciting and a hope that gives me strength above all. Lord I give you praise for these things...
!!

The night is late and I have to work tomorrow, but I have decided to post in a short one...

Just this afternoon I was talking to a dear friend on the sides of the human mind and heart. I drew the conclusion that one aspect that, we as human beings have this tendency and desire to be in control of things. Maybe it is because we mimic our great Creator, who is in control of all things. However there is another part within us that places that desire and makes into a weakness. Firstly let me state that the freedom of will is absolute and is given freely by Him. The question that I have today is why the desire to control so much?

From my perspective everyone was created with a capacity within to control the choices we make and what we will (of course only things that within our humanly reach). When an individual is not satisfied with the choices that affect him or her, they will then turn to change the environment around them to satisfy their need for satisfaction. It is here that we see a distinction between our everyday person and missionaries. When God leads a missionary into the field, he or she surrenders his or her environment to the Almighty only governing their own choices that help them get along. In the normal individual, we tend to control and craft our surrounding to help satisfy ourselves because the choices that we are making within isn't enough. For example, if someone says something about and you allow it to affect you then an action will result. You will either do something to change the circumstances you are in to make the statement invalid or you would do something to forget it. Why is that so?

For the missionary he or she has surrendered control of most things into God's hands and is satisfied with only the authority to govern the freedom of choice given to him/her. Whereas, the other individual the boundary that has been given isn't enough, and he or she will try to expand their boundaries of authority into the external environment. But the truth is, unlike the missionary who has place an unlimited source of authority within his/her boundary, the "normal" individual only build a boundary outside his/her personal boundary. Another way to say it is he/she is still placing himself/herself within a box...

Oh well that is my 2cents worth...Won't try to elaborate it further for the moment. Just thought it was important to write it out so that I won't forget it.

In this modern day society, I find myself trapped in the whirl pool of indulgence. Materialism and power are things that have corrupted the innocent minds of the younger generation, and I being place at a time such as this in a gap between the generation of indulgence and the generation of delayed gratification. Allow me to explain, as I understand it, the generation before me is one that believes that all good things have to be earned and there is a time and place to enjoy the good things in life but it is not yet time. The generation after me on the other hand has the belief that it is time to enjoy the better things in life, if not now when. Based on my perspective, my generation is caught in between these two. There are some within my generation that believes that there is time later to enjoy, so work your butt off first!! However there are equal amounts of people that belong to the other side of the scale.

Why have I brought this up? Well in terms of the indulgence portions I feel that it closely relates and reflects our priority and values in life. I believe that material indulgence is fantastic and that it is also very easy to get carried away in it, but on the other hand there is a need to delay certain gratifications in life. When it boils down to a decision of a career, what comes into consideration? Do you work to build a name and price for yourself or just work to get by and bring home the cash? Do you focus on mental health and personal development at work or just survival of the fittest and early bird gets the worm philosophy? Either way it depends what you want to achieve at the end... A big house big and car? Or a comfy humble home? Do you value wealth or friend?

I have realize that in the hierarchy of needs to be met, as long as there is enough to get by, I want to focus on relationships. As much as friendships do come and go, but the joy of being around people has really blessed my heart. What is the point of having everything but not having anyone to share it with? It is true that the world does not run on love and feelings, but it is the one thing that makes us human. Keeps us aware of where we are...  Of all the research and inventions made, we have found ourselves constantly trapped in the indulgence of having stuff. We take pride and joy in owning stuff. Ironically, the basic underlying truth is that we want to satisfy our emotional needs. Areas like our ego, insecurity and hurt are all fill and buried in stuff. I on the other hand, not claiming to be self righteous, have found joy in relationships. The material portion of things make the relationship more colourful. Not to say that I am not influenced or affected by consumerism side of life, but what matters are people. So what does your compass point to? Material or man? Everybody needs somebody, but not everybody needs something...

Every now and then we are hit with the "expectated to" stamp. You are expected to know this... expected to do that... everyone expects *things* from you, and at the end of the day you are left with a head full of frustrating thoughts. The burden carried along with expectancy is sometimes very heavy. Everyone demands something from you, but they don't realise that you are also entitled to demand/dictate certain things for yourself. Of course this is a very liberal way of thinking and if used to the extreme it can be very detrimental to ones self. I mean if you get carried away with dictating everything to yourself without regards to what others have to say, there is a risk that you will become very self centered. On the other hand, having too many people telling you what to do, "expectancy", will anchor you down.

It is good to listen to what people have to say and take heed of the advise they have, but at the end it is still our right to make the final choice bearing in mind that we have to face up to the consequences of our decision. Expectancy will always be there and we have to constantly combat that stress, and the only way to overcome the overwhelming feeling of expectancy is to talk it through with a friend and pray. For the hard headed modern day worrior, being emotionally sensitive is a waste of time and slows a person's progress, but a soft hearted analyst like me keeping in tune with my emotions helps me cherrish and enjoy life as it is. I do not mean to say that we dwell in the feelings continuously, but rather know where we are emotionally at different points in time.

God created many people in many different ways and I am the way I am... that is my identity and who I created to be. No expectancy can take that away from me, neither will it anchor me down! God give me strength and courage to face the next day...

What a day today has turned out to be... What started off as a hopeful day, turned out to be a gloomy day. First I guess it would be my work conditions, which continues to discourage me. Not knowing what the fate of my career is... I struggle with the fact of being useful and productive. As much as I try to carry myself with confidence I am still faced with the cold hard facts that no one has called me for an interview. Am I that worthless? Sigh... The end of the month is approaching and I worry for the coming month and also the coming years ahead.

On the other hand, my fairy tale story has been progressing great. Although still in a state of uncertainty, but my heart has been receiving nothing but blessings. However, today there was a slight twist... There has been some restrictions made. Though I feel saddened by it for selfish reasons, but I know it is the right thing to do. Initially when I had to make the decision, my heart could not or should I say did not want to accept the reality of the matter. I was struggling inside to control my expression not to blurt out in exeggerastion. I felt like a kid who had lost his most favourate toy... I took me sometime alone to sort it out, but at the end of it I found peace in the decision. Though slightly restricted, but I realised that nothing had changed within me at least. On the side of my friend I do not know what is actually going on inside, all I can do is just hope that all will be alright in the end.

In a nutshell, life now is like a dance. I find myself constantly having find the need to figure out the rythm that is being played and jump into the beat. One minute its a fast slong then then next, just as you are about to get the hang of it, it changes into a slow ballet... That is the true  dance of life. Ever changing and evolving...

A beautiful state of confusion... So much is happening simultaneously that it feels like it is an explosion of colours. Some bright and cheerful and yet there are some that are dull and gloomy. At this state it is a bitter sweet taste that has to be aquired.

Life on the surface seems like a bed of roses. A view of spring with butterflies in the skies and a big blue sky, but the ironic thing is finding yourself behind a glass screen. Restricted only to the sight of the good things in life, and yet on your side of the glass you find a totally different world. A world that is dark and gloomy, filled with troubles and worries. However, once in a while God is gracious allowing me to step over the barrier to the other side. Once my feet touches the green pastures, it feels like heaven... The sense of pure joy and good fortune come upon me like a cool spring breeze, but as my time is up I am forced to retreat back to the other side.

Going back and forth from these two worlds, feels a little like the Narnia series... Not to say that it is care free on the side of spring, but it is just a mixture of a different kinds of challenges.  Which reality will I ultimately settle for? That should be rather obvious... In a nutshell, I guess I am just in a state of unrest or unsettledness. I am enjoying my journey, but yet the burden of worry once in a while gets the better part of my conscience haunting me day and night... It is just a beautiful state of confusion.

he winds of change have come and gone and I found myself in a new place. I was no longer in the old wreck that I once struggled to get by, but I found myself living amongst the clouds. It would seem that I had moved into the cloud 9 neighbourhood and was able to survive on fresh air and sun shine. I was a dizzy school boy who had found his lost wonderland.

Each day that past were like perfect fairy tale moments, of course with a few splashes of reality. Something along the line of the Enchanted Movie. I was over joyed and excited about the grounds that I was standing on. Every step that I took in this wonderland was as if walking on the moon. My veins were coursing with life and raw passion. It was a dream come true. And then one fine day, the bubble burst... Is not that the fairy tale ended nor that this dizzy school boy was warped out of wonderland, but rather this boy discovered that there was a limit to the grounds that he was walking on. Suddenly, he could see that wonderland had fences around it and there were boundaries. Then there was a pause and stare moment...

So how do we go from here? What seemed mysterious and limitless seemed defined and finite. Things seemed more fragile rather than soft and spongee. The dream still stood, but his view or should I say my view had been changed. Now it was not just joy and laughter, but worry had just been added into the flavour. This adventure now had its rules and regulations spelled out... Now it was not so much exploring wonderland and making new discoveries, but rather managing it and not trying to loose it. The magic that floated in the air was now regulated. So now I am seated in front of the white screen, hoping that I will not loose this wonderland experience. Is the school boy still dizzy? Yup... Does he still see the cloud 9 neighbourhood? Yup... So what is he going to do with the fences? Not sure... it is one part of the story that is yet to be written. Will this boy be battling against dragons and sea monsters or will he be up against tanks and battleships? Only time will tell...

Inspiration to live, to breath and tos survive... All these things have been granted to me. I have been give the gift by God to enjoy these short moments in life and not worry about the past. I am indeed greatful and excited about all that has taken place and is about to take place in the near future. Although I do not know what is installed for me nor do I clearly know where I am headed, I am at peace with His plans.

However so, last night was a moment that that feared me. I had done something that I thought would have destroyed some thing that was so beautiful. In the midst of excitement and joy I went too much ahead of myself. It is not that I made an obvious mistake, but rather my emotions caused me to misread the real truth of the matter and it lead to a chaotic turmoil inside me. It was a point of weakness... A reflection of insecurity. Fortunately, all turned out well and no one was hurt in that sense.

These past few weeks have been phenomenal and I have been over joyed with life as a whole. Even though I do not know what all that I am feeling is worth, but I know it is something that God has given me as a gift. However there is still that corner of a doubt and that pinch of fear that haunts me that I will lose everything. In being cautious, I end up being critical. Sigh,,, human nature. But regardless I am determined to continue on to the end. I do not have confidence in what I can do but I guess there is always that hope that God is looking out for me. That hope that I once thought lost has finally found me back again and this time I am confident it will last longer...

The wings of thoughts that has never cease to teach me, the hand of God that has never cease to carry me....

Soften by sight and comforted by sound... It is like flying in the air without the worry of hitting the ground. Living in amazement of the moments and all that it brings, I anticipate every moment that I can capture. My earthly mind can only hold so much memory and sensations, but it is the same mind that makes it beautiful. It is a hope that has be sought after and it is one that I have found. It feels as if the world spins in happiness, where flowers are suspended in the sky and all that you can see is only blue skies. I know that these moments are short lived, that is why I cling on to as much as I can.

Like a dizzy school boy I fumble and fall in the hopeful field of green grass and flowers. It is almost fantasy like. The sweet fragrance of flowers, the sounds of water trickling, the soft gentle cool breeze, the gentle touch of the morning sun light and the warming caress of the heart. Even though it is still a dream yet to come true, but who is stopping me from enjoying this moment?!

Exciting yet there was a slight tingle of fear. The cabin was small and the seats where seated relatively close to each other. What can I say it was a budget plane, but it were five decades ago this would have been a luxury of a plane. As the propellers stared up and the plane started to move forward, there was a worry that the plane wasn't able to gain enough speed to life of properly. The propeller engines did not seem to have enough power, but in my own ignorance I was proved wrong. The lift off was rather rough but it was an experience, as fear and excitement gripped me as I looked out the window watching as the ground slowly parted from the plane. My first conscious flight...

In Langkawi, I was blessed with certain precious moments. Although it was a rather rush trip, but I managed to steal a little time here and there for some time to myself. The beach was great! The sand was smooth and the view was calming. In the night I had opportunities to witness the blue tear (luminous plankton). What a sight it was! I also managed to spent time with some of my friends and plus a sea side wedding to witness. It was indeed a joyous time!

On the returned trip, my flight was cancel but it was replace with a better one. I managed to board a 737 for the return flight. Powered by turbine jet engines, it was powerful indeed. Lift off was smooth and acceleration was .... wow! It was a good experience.

Now as I reflect the journey to Langkawi and back, I enjoyed a few precious moments and few of which was emotionally stirring. It was good, there was something, I found hope...  I was free, floating in the air and there was no limit to the sky that I was in. I could move wherever and however that I wanted. Refreshing! It was a brief moment of flight.

It has been a long time since the winds have changed to favour the journey to the land of success. The search for the more abundently beyond still takes place, but with a havier heart. As the journey lengthens, the string of substance runs thin. It is almost like butter spread over too much bread. It has become tastless and plain.

How much longer must this journey take? A life time? A season? A day? Who is to say... The road is long but aleast the company is reasonable. Each fighting to strive for their own survival, but at least together. The moments of inspiration become rarer and rarer. It is almost like looking for gold under the sea bed...

Where will this all lead to? Where will it all end? How will it be of use? Only God know and is able to keep me sain for the remaining journey. My dependence on Him is not my own, but entirely His.

How do you measure success? Is it by materials? Cash? Looks/appearance? Network? Friends? Contentment? Career? Skill? Recently there was a remark made that I will not be successful if I... In my mind, the first though was "how could that person say that!". But as I pondered upon it, I really started to question myself. What was success to me?

Money? I do not deny that money can give you many things and also gives you power to influence, which may result in temporary contentment, joy and pleasure. A very tempting point of view. It would seem that lots of things associated with success are related to money. Having a good time with friends involves money, example dinner in a nice restaurant. Money does indeed facilitate and provide the means to set the atmosphere and mood, example cosy or romantic or exciting, but it does not dictate the quality of the time spent.

Materials, similar to money it does bring some "good feelings", but none the less it is more a status thing. I am not discrediting the point and freedom of being a consumer, but I am advocating the facts of trend and extremism in following it. I'll leave it at that.

Career! Now that is a stick that is commonly used to measure success. "Oh, i've been promoted to become a manager.", "I've joined an MNC as a..." (no offense to anyone who's working in an MNC). In my opinion these are all masks for display. We tend to associate social status with the job. We begin to look at occupation as a measure of capability and we use our career to gain acceptance. It feels like those things you see on discovery about animals having the need to show off their various colours, strengths of skills to be accepted in a herd or group. Even I am guilty of that mistake. A persons career has been a the front for success first impressions. I do not deny that a persons career reveals information of that person's make up. I do not in anyway mean that people should cease to share the joy, excitement and experience working in a high profile job nor cease to share its benefits, but I am just touching on the matter where it becomes a measure to size people up. If you rear goats does that make you any less acceptable. Does doing social work make you any less a person? No! I just feel that sometime people are too caught up with other people's careers for signs of success. It discredits some people.

Friends... Ah... among the wonders of the world! Now that is a less materialistic way of measuring success, but is also seldom/rarely/hardly used. However the question is not how many people you know, but who you know. In the realistic point of view, if you know somebody important that makes you somebody. Now that I do not agree upon. It is true that the people you know will prove to be a benefit to an individual, but I dislike the idea of knowing people for sole benefit. That would characterise friends into networks.

Appearance? If I am fat does that mean that i've become more prosperous? Can this not be a sign of depression rather than abundance? If I am skinny does that mean I am poor? Sometimes we indirectly hurt people by making stereotypic comments, like one I've heard:

"Wah, you've put on weight ah! Things must be good for you on the other side. Good food, good environment..."

Its rather sickening to hear all these kind of remarks especially from people who hate your guts, because it sound more like a redicule than a joke.

For me I have come to terms with contentment. It is a balance with all thing that is going in your life, a sum of all factors. Work/career, sure but it is not everything. Money? Materials? Its nice to make life a little comfortable. Friends? Network? Friends are good to have, nice to be able to help and great to share moments with. Looks? It would be nice to be a bit more healthy and be bit more trim. Above all it is best to be able to make a difference, no matter in what way or the magnitude? Peoples gratitude maybe signs of success. A measure that you have made the difference in their lives, that you were able to successfully love and care for people. Isn't that what the success of life is all about?

Recently, I have lot of things on my mind. I've wanted to pen it down, but just couldn't find the right words and expression for it. Past few months, I have come to the point where my motivation tank has been dry. It seems that the average person should at least come to that point at least once in their life. At this point you know that you need a change. Some people associate this situation with the term "middle age crisis". A point where men get depressed and de-motivated about life and their work. Certain people I know do not believe in this "crisis", but others bet to differ. It is funny that I would come to this point at such an early stage in life. Life should be exciting and full of twists at this age, but somehow it is different.

I've come to the point where I felt stagnant. People around me were travelling places, seeing the world, finding love, climbing ladders, making a difference everywhere, discovering new things and even building an empire of their own. Me? I was only being a statue that grows side ways. It is that sense of hopelessness that I dread. Having nothing to look forward to is something that feels funny in my system.

However, like always things have taken a little change and there is something on hand to do. Work has been a roller coaster ride and I have come out of it dizzy, but the dizzy feeling is slowly subsiding. Now I look ahead in search of something, an opportunity. I have re-discovered my simple sens of direction again. Now it is a trial if I can make the first step forward. There are no guarantees and no safe nets, and I am going to take the risk...

Hah... Now the the fool in an age old knight's armour stands on the mountain peak holding up his rusty sword ih his right hand and declaring to the world that he will make a difference. Because he has found courage and hope in the words of encouragement. Even as a fool, clumsiness is not an obstacle just a problem to be overcomed. All there is to it now is to search for a stallion that can be my ride, or I will have to walk into battle. No fear, even man on foot can make a difference even though with smaller steps. Step by step...

Your Inner Color is Blue Your Personality: Your natural warmth and intuition nurtures those around you. You are accepting and always follow your heart.

You in Love: Relationships are your top priority, and this includes love. You are most happy when you are serious with someone.

Your Career: You need to help others in your job to feel satistifed. You would be a great nurse, psychologist, or counselor.

You Are a Club Sandwich You are have a big personality. It's hard for anyone to ignore you!
You dream big. You think big. And you eat big.
Some people consider you high maintenance, but you just know what you want... and when you want it.

Your best friend: The Tuna Fish Sandwich

Your mortal enemy: The Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich

A few miss-chosen sour grapes makes the vineyard look bad.

It would seem that most of the individuals of society have been a victim of some form of a relationship disaster. This fact dawned upon me just this morning as I was pondering my frustration with work. The observable difference among individual victims is whether the disaster  is reflected upon us.

Politics in office is one of the examples that displays that relationships have gone sour. In such a situation people around become victims of the sour relationship. It is true that some people are unaffected by the political campaigns, but generally there still will be victims. Choosing the right side can save you from much frustration, especially the side with much power and authority. Burying yourself in work and drowning off the gossips is another way. Despite all these, you still cannot escape the fact that something is wrong and needs to be addressed.

What if the side that you choose the the right side and morally correct side, but it is not the side with power and authority? The "minority" side as I term it. What will you do then? Inevitably you will be among the oppressed in that group. The easiest way out would be to leave the company and allow things to resolve itself. As depressing as it would seem just thinking about it, being caught up in between power scuffles and morale, I realized one thing one relationship that we did not become the victim. As I recall the steps that He took to calvary, realized that Jesus was the victim. He became the victim to re-establish the relationship between us and God. As I carried this thought with me around, I felt guilty. I could see that mankind was selfish were Jesus was selfless. We fought for power were he sacrificed to empower. We manipulate others to get what we want, while He guides others to provide what we need.

People say that thing are good or bad depending on the way you look at it. So putting this into biblical context, is this my first step to changing my world view? It is easy to create awareness, but difficult to act upon it. So I guess I should learn to. From what Christ has done, my status should changed from victim to victor. Since I have been empowered by Him, I should rise up from this situation. But how? Well God, it's Your turn to guide others to my path to provide for my needs.

Dear people in my life,

I dedicate this blog to you. I know that I haven't found the time to keep in touch very much, but I am trying. I think of you once in a while as I get little flash backs of life. It has been a hectic time for most of us finding our way in society. Ever since we graduated from the "Bee Hive", we have embarked on a honey collecting journey. I, for one, have not been excluded from that. It has been a bugs life out there...

These past months, much has changed. I've struck the rock, fought the winds and swim the waves to discover who I am. Things have gone my way and not. I have won treasures and lost it. In a nut shell, the world has been turning. As much as I want to share the world with you, at least how I've been viewing it, but I have not had the opportunity. To be honest sometimes I just do get the motivation or inspiration to pick up the phone and make that call to you. Especially when that has been the hardest day in your life. Please take heart that I care about you that's why I am doing this. I am not just forwarding another main, not sending a smiley. I decided to steal this little slot from my time to write something meaningful.

In the days to come, I would like to wish you well and probably mail you or even call you. I do not want to promise too much, because I do not know what will happen tomorrow. At least for today I have decided to write it in my blog dedicating it to you.

Take care my friend.

Truly,
Eu-Jynn